I am 48 or thereabouts according to my birth certificate although mentally my age can range from 18 to 102 depending upon my immediate environment, currently living in Surrey, avoiding driving on motorways 'cos the world's gone mad but I love country lanes, very proud of my son who's gonna out-boogie you Jools Holland, very wary of builders, television and low ceilings, desperate to live by the sea (come on, Lottery). And walking in the rain is a regular requirement; it's what towels were invented for.

I am not happy about running out of loo roll, keen on swimming in the sea (I just need to look at it for hours), about to cut up celery for anyone, going to eat baked beans or mushy peas EVER, going to look after your begonias when you go holiday (they smell funny).

I work - I have a proper bill-paying job too, although it would be bliss to be able to give this up and be creative ALL the time instead, one way or another. I dream....

I dream of living in my cottage by the sea within staggering distance of a fine public house (a moonlit walk home along the beach after a cider or three would be perfect), making pretty things and eating cheese sandwiches (best mature cheddar with flowerpot bread, please).